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There's this point in your life where you're sick and tired of promises because you've been hurt in the process by people who cared for a while and you gave too much of you trust, gave too much of your "true self" to people you think would stay.

As a result, you distance yourself from possibilities of the same thing happening all over again. You get scared to trust, get scared to even TRY letting people get a glimpse of your world.

Yet, along the way you meet people who make the best out of everything just to get to know you and hopefully know what it feels like to be in your world. You meet people who will make you feel comfortable being around them, just like REAL best friends.

Still, you think twice in sharing a part of you. You think twice in giving them the chance to make a few steps closer to you. You think twice in taking risks, taking chances, and taking opportunities.

However, no matter how unavoidable it may seem, your weakness gets a little stronger the moment you TRY. Now you're steps away from thinking twice...

But, in the end... the same thing happens again, and again, and again. Maybe in different ways and scenarios. And what's worse is that you were assured that it won't.
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I've been bored lately so I took pictures of myself with my babies (Stuffytoys) aaand made a gif of LOSER-series. |
Where are you now...

I miss late night talks with you...

I miss our random, silly converstions...

I miss the way things used to be...

Where are you now...

How could you forget ME.

Am I really...that easy to forget?

Maybe I was too kind, I was too nice

to even entertain you...

But at some point, I wanted to figure out

if such REALITY could ever exist.

Maybe somewhere in between,

I caught myself hanging by a thread...

Ready to fly, ready to fall.

But now, you're nowhere to be found.

Will you really be gone forever?

Will you only exist in my "once upon a time",

and not in my "happily ever after?"

I do not understand WHY.

I don't think I will.

Quit playing, quit hiding.

Just be you...the REAL YOU.



Always,
ME. |
-BER months, welcome! September is my first love.

Yes, there are 114 days left before Christmas and this means I can set my playlist on i-tunes in Christmas-mode. I'll be having more Kenny G's and the sweet serenading of rnb & soul tracks that will set the Christmas vibe. BERing it on!

I woke up a little early today and I must say it's something to be proud of. I think my eyes got used to the usual routine of sleeping late and waking up early -both because of academic stuff- that's why even without the alarm, I get up without feeling too lazy. I didn't go to school today since I want to spend the first of the month at home to think and rest, and study for our finals tomorrow a little later.

Funny how fast time flies. Last week I was babbling about finals week and certain things that made my mind fully-occupied. Today is the 1st of September and yes, it is my birthday tomorrow. I've made a few realizations for the past few days and I think now is the perfect time to put them into words since tomorrow is a start of a whole new journey....atleast, for me.

September is a month of everything new.

In a few days it's hello 2nd term! Everything will get rougher and tougher and I'm praying I'd have the courage to get things straight, and make things right.

Obviously, it's the 2nd of September tomorrow and I hate the fact that I'll be turning a little older...eighteen, to be exact. Oh my, I won't be seventeen anymore in a few hours and I don't think it will sink in anytime soon. I'm preparing myself for new challenges of the real world but I know for a fact that I can still, and always be, a little girl who always finds reasons to be happy with the simple things in life. I'll be taking one step away from childhood and one step forward to adulthood. But hey, I still would choose to be SEVENTEEN over and over, because it's where you're in between. Just as how I love sunsets and what's in between.

I want to share with you the things I've learned in my seventeen years of existence.

1) PEOPLE COME AND GO.
I've said this too many times and I won't mind saying it uhh-gain. I must say I haven't really learned my lesson since I always get a heartache when people leave -especially those really matter, and those I would want to stay with me. People who come makes you experience things in life that will either make or break you. If they choose to leave, they'll leave you with valuable lessons you'll find useful along the way. If they choose to stay, now that's a different story...more of something really to be grateful for.

2) CHANGE IS INEVITABLE.
Sad reality indeed. I've experienced crying over change before and I think sometimes I still would. It hurts when things aren't the way they used to be cause you've attached yourself too much on routine-like events. It's in your system, and you can't let go of it that easily. You can either save yourself from puffy eyes and cope with change and produce something better out of it, or get depressed and kill your brain because of the same-old-bolded-question "WHY? WHY? WHY?"

3) SOMETHING BETTER IS ALWAYS IN STORE FOR YOU.
"This is what I want" -five words I used to say when I make a decision. FACT: there are times you don't really get what you want for two reasons: it's not yet the right time to have it, or it isn't meant for you to have because something better is in store for you. At first, this fact would be hard to accept but time will make you understand, time will make us understand this.

4) PAIN IS TEMPORARY.
It will pass. When you experience pain, it's a sign of your soft side yet it's a means of being stronger.

5) LOVE CAN WAIT.
I will always stand firm in my decision to take care of my heart and save it for the right person at the right time. When I give my heart, it will be whole...without cracks of bruises.

6) BEING SINGLE IS GOD'S GIFT
I don't date, and I am not yet ready for a romantic-relationship. I'll make use of my single-time to do what I want, live out my dreams, explore new tracks and grab opportunities.

7) DO NOT MAKE HASTY DECISIONS
Do not make decisions just because of a sudden outburst of emotions. It could lead to something you might regret in the future.

These are only a few of all the things I've learned for the past years. I bet I'll be learning more as I grow older.

I'll be making another post later after I review...It would be the last post as a seventeen year old girl (literally). :] |
It's a Wednesday and I can only leave the house around 10am and as of the moment, I have 2 hours left. I slept around 2:40am because of loaded school work and because I took a nap from 9pm-11pm AND because of the most unexpected reasons. It's beyond unusual for me to wake up at 7am, knowing that I barely had 5 hours of sleep, but I did! It's quite and achievement that I never even felt too sleepy to go back to bed and hey, I'm 2hours ahead of my alarm clock!

I've been mulling over a lot of things for the past few days and true indeed, my birthday is just a week away and I'm having a landslide of emotions right now for a couple of reasons. Next week is final judgement week since we'll be having our final exams in three subjects and will be passing a number of documents. And oh, IT'S OUR ISMATH 3 FINAL EXAM ON MY BIRTHDAY. It's from 3:30 - 5:30pm which means spending the whole morning at school reviewing again, since we have a grade consultation in another subject around 10 O' Clock. What a blast!

I wonder how things will turn out today. I bet it will be another busy day, but less of something worth looking forward to. It's the second to the last day of regular school days and I do not know if I should mind traces of melancholy or sing in a happy tune because the term is finally over. I don't know if things will be the same next term, or if something worse is coming, or if it's a start of a new beginning. Oh, how fast time flies...

I am hoping for a little sunshine in my cloudy day, and have to wake up from this crazy nightmare. Maybe I shouldn't because it isn't just a figment of my imagination, or so I thought. |
Today's Sunday, and it's the start of our last regular (HELL) week at school. I've been sleeping the whole morning, and I helped mommy cook lunch (binagoongan) and dinner(caldereta). Believe me, everything she cooks is really delicious! &I'm trying to learn from her, and of course inherit special recipes I could use in the future since I love eating. hehey:]

I won't be posting too much about how my day went since my mom wants me to sleep early tonight. Here's the fifth day of my ten day challenge.

Day Five: Six things you wish you’d never done.
[one] Eating indian mango and bagoong 2 weeks ago.
-Uhhh, my face had a lot of pinkish dots and I had a mild fever that night. :)) I SWEAR I WILL NEVER EAT THAT AGAIN. :|

[two] SOMETHING I CAN NEVER UNDO.
-though I wish I could... I wish I could. Until now, it's a very painful memory that keeps haunting me and some people involved.

[three] Overeating.
-Oh look, now I'm fat :| But I can still do something though. :)) at least before my debut.

[four] Giving my trust to...
-I wish I was strong enough that time. I wish I didn't "go with the flow". I wish I wasn't that vulnerable to "peer pressure". :|

[five] SOMETHING that left a mark.
-I never had scars, or deep cuts. I can't have such due to some consequences of being diabetic. By accident, IT happened and now, it just reminds me of a very painful and recent memory.

[six] Making life more complicated because of...
-Oh, this has been my dilemma for almost 2 months. I'm hoping that God would visit me in my dreams and comfort me with His words, tell me what's the right thing to do, and tell me that He loves me so much.

Yes, I know that regrets are useless since no matter how much we try to undo things, we do not and will never have a rewind button. Past is past, and whoever we are at present is what matters the most.

Yes, I know some of things I've written creates a blurred picture in your minds ;)) Maybe if you get to know me, or if you talk to me about it, we could paint a clear picture. :]

For now, it's goodbye to posting maybe?
I'll be having a rough week ahead. Wish me luck, and pray for me:]

LoveAlways,
Beiii ♥ |
It's past noon. I woke up earlier than the usual 11am routine and I'm afraid I'll be falling asleep in the later part of the afternoon. It's raining and I can feel the relaxing chill of the wind. It's the perfect time for coffee and a slice of cheesecake perhaps? But since I can't drink coffee for a certain period of time, and there aren't any cafe's that serve cheesecakes around, I'll be having a cup of hot chocolate and toasted bread with cream cheese instead. Ah, this week will be part N of hell month. It's quite unbelievable that it's our last week of regular stuff, and the week after this is Finals week plus my birthday. Things are going really fast, but I'm really thankful I didn't get left behind.

I'll be attending Gabrielle's Cabaret 18th tonight, and I don't think I'd be able to go online so, here's DAY 4 [full version] of my 10-day-challenge :)

one. DREAM VS. REALITY
-I've been posting about this since I-forgot-when, but really -It crosses my mind all the time and I can't help but wonder if...

two. SANDES + CITE4D
-This has been my huge dilemma for nearly 3 weeks now and I haven't thought of the perfect solution yet. Dear God, please help me figure out something that I won't regret.

three. MY DEBUT.
-September 18, it is! Yet there are a lot to think about like if my dad's really going to be there, if everyone in my guest list would arrive, if my 18-roses and 18-candles would be complete, if my dress would be okay, if... *sigh. I hope everything turns out right.

four. HOW MY SECOND TERM WOULD BE LIKE.
-More stress is just around the corner, baby! ;)) I don't know how things will go next term. If things will be the same, or there'd be more BAD changes (oh God please no). I've had enough of all the sadness and depression this term. I'm praying that the next would bring me joy.

five. VACATION BABY!!!!!
-I am SO looking forward to this. Even if it's just a week, or a day. I seriously need a break from all the hard work and stress I've encountered. I need an escape from reality;))

six. LOVE and TIME
-Go figure.

seven. GRADES.
-I hope all my efforts are enough to get high grades. If not really high, at least enough grades to have a GPA that would make me a Dean's Lister again.
I think I'll be working on SPEECOM papers this afternoon before I take a nap:] Goody,goody:)) Btw, Gabrielle requested me to sing on her debut...and she wanted the song to be original :)) So yea, I made her a song entitled "She isn't Seventeen". I'll be uploading the video later :]

Love,
Beiii :) |